The Head of the monastery for males meets the Head of the monastery for females:
- Yesterday your monks managed to penetrate to the nuns of our monastery!
- Oh! So what have they done?
- Nothing, but the fact…
- Nothing? So these were not our monks!
The major of the army, came home and saw his wife with a lover, who was his sergeant. He took out a pistol and ordered the guy to follow him.
When they came out the major said, “Let’s make it clear, who out of us she really loves. I will shoot twice and we both will fall down. The one to whom she will rush first will remain with her”.
The wife heard two shots, looked out of the window and shouted, “John, come in! Those two stupid men killed each other!”
The boy of class I walks in the corridor to and fro repeating, “Where is the logic?”
The Director saw him and asked what had happened. The boy said, “I farted in class and my teacher threw me out… and all of them have remained… Where is the logic?”
There are two ways to manipulate with the women…but no one knows them.
- What is the top of optimism?
- It’s when two gays buy the child’s carriage.
A man is buying the condoms. He is asked which size he needs. He doesn’t know his size. The salesgirl said, “Go behind the curtain, there is a table over there with holes in it and sizes written over them, check which one matches your penis, and you will know the size”.
5 minutes passed, 10, 20… then the voice from behind the curtain, “Miss, what is the price of this table?”
Husband and wife are taking dinner. Wife:
- Do you remember when 9 months ago you took leave and went for 2 weeks for fishing?
- Yes, I do…
- Today that fish telephoned and informed me that you became a father!
So you are planning to marry my daughter. Are you sure that you are able to give her whatever she wants?
-Sure! She all the time says that she wants only me!
- Do you love children?
- No! But the process…
The secretary to her chief:
- I have two news for you, a good and a bad. Which one should I start with?
- With the good one, of course!
- It is now evident, Sir that both of us do not suffer from infertility…
- I have a good news daughter, your boyfriend asked my permission to marry you.
- Oh, papa, but I don’t want to live without my mama!
- Of course you can’t daughter, take her with you!
Two flowers:
- Do you love me?
- Oh, yes! Do you love me?
- Oh yes! Where are these bees???!!!
At doctor’s:
- You know, doctor, I can’t make love with my wife as often as before. It seems to me that it’s not normal and it should be more often.
- Oh! When did you have sex last time?
- Just a minute, I will ask my wife.
- Sara, when did we have sex last time?
- …and who is this?
A young beautiful girl comes to the shop:
- What is the price of this cloth?
- Not costly at all! One kiss for one meter!
- Really it’s not costly! I will take 8 m, this is my address, my granny will pay to you.
- Hello, dear. Would you marry me?
- Are you serious?
- Yes, I am.
- It’s a serious question, I can’t decide right now! Call to me after 5 minutes.
Driving her car Lucy again ran over the man.
Angry man said:
-You have hit me again! Just yesterday you ran me over and now again!
- Oh, I am sorry, I have not recognized you!
My husband is always so lucky! Just yesterday he has got health insurance and today a brick fell on his head!
During a lesson a teacher explained importance of cleaning teeth before going to bed. Then she asked question for summarizing the lesson:
- What do you do before sleeping, Mary?
- I clean my teeth!
- Good! What do you do before sleeping John?
- I smoke a cigarette.
- Oh! How can you? And what about your parents?
- You know yourself, Miss, what they do, but is it a question for a pupil of class I?
- Doc, what about drinking?
- Damn! What are you talking about – DRINKING!!!
- I just… for future…
- Damn! What kind of FUTURE!
After jumping with parachute a student comes to the instructor:
- Write down in my card – 2 parachute jumps.
- Why 2? You have only one jump!
- Yes, but it was the first and the last one.
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