An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, shaking made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.
"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."
A man wants to repair his clock. He could not find the clock repair shop for a long time, then at last he saw the big clock over the door, happily he came in and showed his clock to the man sitting at the table.
- We do not repair clocks.
- So what do you do?
- Circumcision.
- Why do you have that clock hung over the door then?
- And… what would you like us to hang over there?
Sound from a megaphone of the traffic police car:
- The driver of a tram, immediately turn to a roadside and stop!
- Defendant, explain to the judge why you have killed your wife, instead of killing her lover?
- I decided, your honour, that it’s wiser to kill one woman one time, than every week to kill a man...
A drunk man in the street:
- Excuse me, where is here the opposite side?
- Cross the road here and you’ll be on the opposite side…
- Shit, and over there they also told me to cross the road…
Lecture in the medical College. The lecture hall is almost empty. In the end of the lesson the Professor said,
- Tomorrow I will tell you the best of all known contraceptives.
On the next day the auditorium was full, some students had to sit on the floor as there were no seats left.
The professor started:
- The best contraceptive known by science is a glass of tomato juice.
Silence in the hall. Then the bravest girl-student asked:
- Excuse me, Sir, should it be taken before… or after…?
- Instead! - was the answer.
- Do you remember your first teacher?
- My first wasn’t a teacher, she was a nurse…
- So many problems with this marriage! You see the bridegroom’s parent want them to have a simple registration, parents of the bride want them to do it in church…
- And what does the bridegroom want?
- He doesn’t want to marry at all!
Professor came home and found out his wife with his student. Seeing him the student jumped up somehow put on cloths and ran away. Professorsadly,
- What are the youths these days! No greeting to me, no thanks to you, not good bye to both of us!
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