Jokes

- Dear, I have to tell you that I have a very serious problem in my office.
- Love, never say "I", say "we" as I am sharing all the problems with you!
- Ok, dear, WE have a very serious problem at OUR office, as OUR secretary got pregnant from US.


- Why are you looking at me so attentively?
- Thinking : should I drink more or I already like you…

A man came to the bathroom, saw a shampoo “For strengthening and force…”, and used it as lubrication for … – just in case it helps…

A man comes to the banker: “I want to start a small business. What should I do?”
Banker: “Buy the large one and just wait…”

The woman has been taken by the police for having beaten her husband severely. She is asked to explain the matter.
Explanation:
First he called to my office and called me home urgently. Then he kissed me, took off my clothes, brought me to bed, caressed and then with an idiotic laughing he declared that today is the first of April!

Two pensioners are sitting in on the bench in the park. The girl wearing a mini-skirt passes by. One of them:
If I could be 18 years old now!
The second:
Are you crazy? To work for 40 years again just for 5 minutes of happiness!

A woman heard that there is a magician that can make her very young again. She paid a visit to her and that’s what she heard:
-Climb up on the tower and move the hands of Big Ben anti-clockwise; as many times as you make them round as many years will be cut off from your age.
The woman thought it was dangerous to climb up so high and sent her husband to do the work for her… He rounded and rounded the hands of the clock without stopping, then heard the child’s voice from down:
-Stop it already! Come down!
- No, dear, no! I will drive you back into ... and then will make your mother to make abortion!

The advertisement of GILLET assures that it has lubricating strip and swinging head. To add to this it also vibrates! Excuse me, are you sure it is a razor?

Secret of success in life depends on your honesty and decency. If you do not possess both of these qualities your success is guaranteed.

Wife to the husband:
Dear, as you advised to me, I talked to our daughter about love and sex, as she soon will be 15.
So, how was it?
It was so great! I am just eager to try everything she told me about!

A man with an extremely beautiful girl came into the costliest fur shop. “Show the dame the costliest fur coat that you have,” he said. The salesman brought the coat and said, “Its cost is $85 000”. “Doesn’t matter! Have my cheque !” The salesman said, “We will send the coat to you on Monday after verification of your account as it’s too late today and banks are closed.”
On Monday the same man came to the shop again. The salesman got angry,
"How d'you dare to appear here again? You haven’t got anything on your account!"
"I know this. I just have come to thank you for the best weekend I have ever had!"

• Father, how much money one needs to marry?
• I don’t know exactly, my son, I am still paying.

The father of a girl noticed that her belly is growing and asked her boyfriend, “Are you planning to marry my daughter?” The boy said, “Oh! It means I have a choice?!”

Interview for the position of Vice Director of a renown company:
Imagine that you drive a two-seat car and see three people on the road asking for a drop. They are: your Boss, an old woman and a young beautiful girl. What would you do?
The candidate who has got the position gave the following answer:
I will come out from the car, will hand over the keys to my Boss and ask him to drop the old woman. And I will take care of the girl.

• Have the tablets, I prescribed you last week, helped your husband?
• Yes, doctor. As you advised to me, I added them into his salad and he got immediately so much excited that he made love to me just on the table!
• So, are you satisfied now?
• Yes, I am, but we don’t go to that restaurant any more.

• I am so sorry, I drove over your cat. I am ready to pay for it or exchange!
• Exchange, you said? Can you catch mice?

The doctor to the patient:

• Do you smoke?
• Yes!
• Do you drink?
• Yes!
• So what else do you want if you don’t care about your health?
• Woman!

At doctor's office:

• I couldn’t find anything wrong with you! You are absolutely healthy!
• And if I tell you my diagnosis will you share with me your fees?

Spermatozoa are very smart and quick creatures. If you don’t take a proper care of them then within no time one of them will be sitting on your lap…

The girl is sitting in the chair of a dentist with open mouth and he works on her tooth. Her mobile rings and she passes it to the doctor. He says:
- Sorry, her mouth is busy now, let me finish and then she will call you back.

-What is the difference between a man and a child?
- Almost no difference, but you can’t leave a man with the governess alone…

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